you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
