after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
