Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
