you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
barbara walters just said penis...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
