tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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