Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Who wears a wallet chain?!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
