omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
