Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
