After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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