tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so let's talk penis.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
