i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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