Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
