I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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