the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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