It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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