Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
