I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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