GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
