Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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