I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
