I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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