Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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