Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
