just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
