Buhtt sex?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
nutella sex= disaster
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
