I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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