Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
