cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
