Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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