We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
