The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
