my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
