it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
