walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
