I could make wine with my vomit
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
