he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
