Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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