Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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