if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
