YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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