I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Blood and glitter go together right?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
