the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You made out with two different species that night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
