I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
