Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
