my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
