go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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