I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
