If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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