She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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