it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Do vagina's smell?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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