I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
