I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
