Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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