i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
