I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
