Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
