my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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