god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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