we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
