Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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