dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
