drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
