Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
