So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
