fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
