I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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