My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
