I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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