So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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